


i'm lovin' it

by chocolatedisco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-16
Updated: 2011-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatedisco/pseuds/chocolatedisco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Vriska Serket, and you hate your job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm lovin' it

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Femslash Day, may all your ships be ladylike.

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you hate your job.

“I can help the next guest!!!!!!!!” you shout over the din of screaming toddlers, boisterous college students, and shitty country music from the radio. Said next guest makes his way to the counter, wringing his hands and trying to avoid eye contact with you, obviously terrified. You can’t really blame him; you make a point of giving a death glare to each valued guest, and that’s because you wish all your customers would drop dead. All of them! You would then do an acrobatic fucking pirouette out of the hellhole that is McDonald’s, leaving the corpses for your boring jerky jerk co-workers to clean up. No regrets! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Well, you’d regret not getting paid. Though you still dream of an exciting career in piracy and treasure hunting, your mom wouldn’t loan you the money to buy an awesome ship. She won’t even give you gas money! You’re pretty much positive she hates you, forcing you to slave away like this. The customers are terrible, your co-workers are worse, you still smell like fries a little no matter how many times you shower, your asshole friends come in to bug you for free food all the time, and you’re still making minimum wage! It’s been like, weeks since you got hired, what the hell. You’ll have to tell the manager to give you a raise.

“Um... did you get all that?” the customer asks, daring to gaze upon the visage of Vriska for a moment, only to quickly avert his eyes again. You guess he gave you his order while you were thinking about more important things, like yourself. What a jerk! Doesn’t he know who you are? If he wants his shitty food, he is now going to have to endure some grade-AAAAAAAA Serket abuse.

(All your customers have to endure grade-AAAAAAAA Serket abuse. You just enjoy making up more substantial reasons for it.)

“Sorry! I wasn’t listening because you were so incredibly boring. I can barely even look at you without dozing off a little. I decided to think about myself instead! Just from looking at me, don’t you think I’m like, 88 times more interesting than you?” you ask, flipping your hair for emphasis, hitting someone behind you with it. They don’t respond. Probably because they’re used to it by now.

“Y-yeah. At least... 88 times,” he laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Good! That means you’re not tooooooootally hopeless. You just need to be more like me! Command the attention of everyone around you. Then maybe I will consider taking your order,” you smile at him, sweet and unthreatening. This loser will never command the attention of everyone around him.

“Well, uh, I’d like--”

“Snooooooooze!” you cut him off. He is even worse than you thought! It’s a good thing you will never see him again once you finally stoop to take his order, otherwise conditioning him into someone awesome would be an irresistible prospect. You just can’t resist helping the most hopeless of dorks shape up, for some reason.

“Serket! How many times do I have to tell you to just take their orders and give them the food?” a voice asks from behind you. It’s a familiar voice; you would recognize the tone of such a dedicated fun-hater anywhere. Probably because it’s Terezi. Seriously, like you could forget what she sounds like? She’s like a sister to you. A sister you make out with sometimes. So not totally like a sister. You mean, you don’t have any real ones, but you’re pretty sure sisters don’t usually make out too much.

“We’re just having a friendly chat, Pyrope! Isn’t that right, Snoozey?”

“Um,” Snoozey begins, but is cut off by Terezi this time.

“You can’t fool me. I can smell his hunger!” she taps her nose for emphasis as she speaks.

“All anyone can smell in here is grease!” She went blind ages ago, and she still hasn’t stopped pretending her sense of smell got better, letting her smell feelings or whatever. You are pretty much positive she is full of shit.

“I also heard you abusing him. The evidence is stacking up, Serket. You should just confess! Maybe the judge will go easy on you,” she cackles, giving your leg a light drubbing with her cane.

“Who, the Honourable Judge Hamburglar?” you ask, rolling your eyes, but suddenly the drubbing isn’t so light, and Terezi’s expression is deadly serious. “Ow, what the hell?”

“That foul criminal’s name shall not be spoken in Judge Pyrope’s presence! You’re fired!”

“Fuck you!!!!!!!! You’re not in charge, you’ve only been working here a month longer than me!” you shoot back, and she advances on you.

“Insubordination, Vriska? Looks like I’m going to have to teach you who’s boss around here,” her voice drops in pitch; it’s not deep and husky and attractive or anything, her normal voice is kind of like a cheese grater and her sexy voice just grates the cheese a little thicker, but it makes what she means by teaching you who’s boss around here pretty clear.

There’s nothing even remotely resembling a mood, you’ve got a bunch of hungry customers watching you while they wait, you both smell like grease and minimum wage, and Terezi Pyrope is such a total loser that not even years of hanging out with you have managed to make her a single iota cooler or more attractive.

And yet, your heart skips a beat when she kisses you anyway. It always does, the traitorous piece of shit. It doesn’t help that Terezi is a really great kisser. Sure, mostly because she learned from you and you’re the best kisser ever!!!!!!!! But she knows just how rough you like it, biting hard enough to draw blood, pushing you up against the counter, tearing your mouth apart like her tongue’s a hardboiled detective who knows there’s a juicy clue in there somewhere. You only made that comparison because that’s probably how she sees it. You briefly consider the possibility that you are totally in love with her.

“Are you theriouthly making out while the cuthtomerth wait?” Sollux interrupts your dangerous considerations, back from his break if the sweet smell of cigarette smoke is any indication.

“Fgh yhh!!!!!!!!” your highly witty retort is muffled by Terezi’s face. Terezi just flips him off, not missing a beat inside your mouth. You have to admire her multi-tasking ability.

“How can I help you? Other than reporting thothe athholes,” he turns to Snoozey, who apparently has just been standing there waiting patiently.

“Oh. Um, I’d like a ten piece nugget meal with a Coke,” he replies, holding out a bill for Sollux.

“There. Wath that tho hard, you two?” You and Terezi both ignore him as he starts doing his job, because making out is way better than listening to grumpy assholes. You don’t know why he’s complaining anyway! At this rate, people will be coming in to watch you! You’re bringing customers in!

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you guess your job is okay sometimes.


End file.
